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Bella you are very welcome....many know and understand what you are going through. Beleive me it will get better for you. It may take a while but it will get easier.
I can understand how you feel. 3 years ago I had to put my morgan down cause he broke his leg. It was hard but I knew it was best for him. He wouldn't have anymore pain. He was a very lovable horse and I had him for over 20 years. I miss him everyday. It will get better with time. My prayers are with you.